old enough to know better.....

So I think I made the decision tonight to give living on my own a shot. I could stay with Matthew and Madisyn/they could stay with me. Po-tay-toh Po-tah-toh. But I think they need a place where they can just be a couple, and I...would like my own place.

I want somewhere where the kitchen is MINE. Where there won't be things put where I don't want them put. Where I'm not afraid of putting something in the wrong place. Where I can just lay my dishes out on a towel to dry, rather than this ridiculous dish rack that goes up over the sink, that I can't reach if I'm sitting down. I don't want to have to share my bathroom. I want to know that my home isn't going to be overwhelmed by the smell of cat pee and cat shit.

I will miss Matthew (he'll still be in Etown; they'll possibly be in the same apartment complex). It'll be hard, and it'll be painful, but I'm really tired of living with other people. With living with THESE people. For example, tonight: Matthew and I were have a minor disagreement about the dishes that need to be washed. All of a sudden Donnie is butting in, all "what's wrong?" When I said it was nothing, she said, "you're lying, what's wrong?" And even though it had nothing to do with her, she wouldn't butt out until I'd said what it was, and then she jumped down Matthew's throat, saying everything I'd just said to him, in almost the exact order. I'm so tired of someone jumping in (usually it's Donnie) to a discussion/argument that's none of their business. I don't have to be a genius to know my opinion wouldn't be welcome if she and Megan were having an argument.

So, yeah. I'd like my own place.

I found an apartment up behind Kroger. All single story, wider doorways, no carpeting, walk-in shower. But. They want $899/mo, and you have to have three times the monthly rent, in income, and I'm nowhere near that. And much as I'd like to, I'd love to say Matthew will cosign, and that he'll pay my rent every month. But that's not fair to him.

The lease for the place we're in isn't up until the end of October. So I have some time to look around -- I will probably have Charis, my Medicaid case worker, help me out with what's available, etc. If I get into low-income housing, I can get it for 30% of my monthly income. Which is $967. So basically about $270. And if I'm careful, I can pay my bills and get groceries, and still have a bit left over.

So fingers crossed for me, please. I'm likely to have a couple of panic attack/meltdowns over this whole affair before it's done. But I do think it would be a good thing for me.

x-posted to my Livejournal. Comment, if you want, wherever is convenient for you :)

Okay, I have a question for those of you who know things I don't: when I'm doing job applications for Matthew, there is a question for most of them about disabilities. It asks "do you have or have you ever had, a disability". And then there's a list for you to look at, to see (I guess) if you have one of those (or have had, and it's gone away).

Given the current political climate...would it be best to not answer? You have the choice of yes, no, or I prefer not say.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Thanks!